


All Dressed in White

by reversedhymnal (Hymn)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Crack, M/M, No actual sex, Sexual Themes, but there may be sexism or feminization or the opposite going on?, i don't remember what in the hell i wrote tbh, just...be warned lol, roy in a dress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-07
Updated: 2007-05-07
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:24:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hymn/pseuds/reversedhymnal
Summary: There's a reason why Winry doesn't let Roy and Edward baby-sit together.





	All Dressed in White

**Author's Note:**

> untouched from when i first posted it on lj back in 2007, pls let me know if i missed a tag, i was going off my author's notes from the time

From Roy's general perspective, it rather appeared that Edward was enjoying their night of babysitting far more than what was appropriate, considering the man's past temperament in regards to dealing with his young niece. Only the fact that she was _Al's_ spawn, Roy was certain, kept his lover from attempting to see just how she would taste when basted and then slowly roasted for dinner.

From Roy’s perspective – which was sprawled across the floor from where Nina had tackled him around the waist and now perched, triumphant, upon his chest, eyes as impishly bright and devilishly wicked as her Uncle’s – it was completely unfair.

“Darling,” he murmured, not quite allowing the groan to ease out of him, despite the ache in his back from where he’d landed. “Don’t you want to play with your Uncle Edward, instead? I’m sure he’d look _much_ prettier.” Roy paused a moment, as his vanity protested. “Well. He’s shorter, at least. Wouldn’t he make a better girl?”

“Hn,” Edward scoffed from where he was perched on the couch. His gold eyes flashed, as he gave him a dangerous, narrow eyed look; the smile, however, didn’t fall, and Roy grimaced at the fuse that, once, had been so short and easily flammable.

On top of him, Nina gave him a look he was certain she’d learned from her mother, all beseeching innocence and wide blue eyes. It was the look Winry had when she was about to talk Alphonse into taking her tool shopping.

“Dress up with Uncle Ed is boring.” Nina pouted, only pausing a moment to twist round and throw a raspberry over her shoulder at Edward. The blonde man merely sneered and returned it, arms crossed defiantly.

“Oh, really,” Roy said, suddenly interested.

“Yeah!” Leaning forward a little conspiratorially, and with a mean look at her golden haired uncle, she whispered, “I don’t think he likes skirts too much.”

_Oh, really,_ Roy’s brain said this time, faintly, ignoring his libido, which perked up at the mental images happily supplied by his imagination of Edward, the fiery, very male, love of his life, wearing a _skirt_.

Oh, but Roy really, really liked his imagination.

Hastily, Roy plucked Nina off his chest, setting her on the floor beside him and sitting up. With a slight cough, he ruffled her hair, and turned to raise an eyebrow at Edward. This was the first time Roy’d heard about _this_ , after all, and if it didn’t deserve some delicate teasing, then, surely, nothing did.

Edward, catching the look and the implications behind it, flushed, and flailed a hand expressively.

“Shut up, you bastard.”

Roy blinked eyes almost as innocent as Nina’s at him, save for the smoky curl that simmered in the black iris like sin. “But Edward, I didn’t sa-”

“You didn’t have to,” Edward snapped, glaring at him over Nina’s honey-brown head. She watched them, wide-eyed and curious and just a touch impatient. “I know you, you pervert, and just. Just shut up. Now. Quit it!”

“Why, Edward,” Roy purred, smirk settled firmly on his lips. He felt a little like preening smugly, and propped his chin on his fist, elbow resting on a bent knee easily. “I do believe you’re blushing.”

Before Ed could do much more than give a strangled growl, and flex his hands like he was about to lunge, Nina stood up, tired of waiting, her tiny hands fisted on her little girl hips. “I’ll tell mommy you’re not playing with me,” she threatened.

Immediately, Edward winced, as though from the phantom pain of a well aimed wrench. “Brat,” he groused, curling further into the couch. To Roy, he gave narrowed eyes, golden and slit like a dragon’s. The smile that slowly unfurled across his face was devastating and terrible. “Well go on then, Roy,” he said, so sweetly it set Roy’s teeth on edge. “Play with the little ankle-biter, why don’t you? It’s _you_ she wants to torment, this time.”

Nina, after another quick raspberry at her other uncle, looked hopefully at Roy. He winced, and offered desperately, “Wouldn’t you rather play with the kitty?”

For a moment, Nina wavered, and Roy barely dared to breathe. Then she shook her head, decisively. “Dress up,” she said. “Dress up, Uncle Roy! Play dress up with me!”

Behind them, Edward cackled, sounding like doom splitting the air.

“Now! What should you wear?” Nina exclaimed with a wide, jubilant grin, clapping her hands together in thought. Obviously, Roy realized with a sinking feeling, the option to decline had never actually been an _option_. Apparently, Ed had broken his charm, or taken it all and swallowed it up, so that Roy didn’t have anything left for anyone else; hadn’t even been able to convince Nina that this really wasn’t a good idea.

Roy sent his lover a black, flat stare, which was returned as a violently gleeful smirk.

“A tuxedo?” Quite deliberately, Roy gave Ed a smooth, barbed smile. “Or a dashing Knight, to rescue you from the evil dragon?”

“ _Hey_ ,” Edward protested, baring his teeth; Nina giggled, eye thoughtful.

For a moment, salvation trembled just outside his reach, shining and beautiful and dress-free. For a moment, Roy thought he’d get away with it; thought, perhaps, that Edward hadn’t managed to steal all of his wits and charm for himself after all, that he could, in fact, turn this around to his advantage.

He looked very good in a tuxedo, Roy knew, and Ed deserved some payback for this trauma.

And then Nina opened her mouth, and ruthlessly quashed any and all hopes Roy had, and with her deceptively innocent words, sealed his fate. He didn’t even bother giving Edward a black look; there was no way he could have possibly convinced his lover to cease his uproarious laughing.

“No, no, no!” the little girl exclaimed. “Uncle Roy! You should be my _bride_!”

Roy hoped, dearly, that Edward would rupture something on all that sadistic humor.

*

“I hate you,” Roy said dully, eyeing the shorter man as Ed stalked closer to him warily. Edward grinned, sharp and brilliant, just a hint of leftover cackle crackling along the edges of it.

“Right back at you, you bastard,” he cheerfully replied, ignoring the young ears of his niece, as he always did. He rubbed his gloved hands together, and Roy straightened his shoulders grimly, focusing on the way that Edward’s ponytail swung behind him, golden and pretty. It swung, and swung, like a pendulum, and Roy took deep breathes in time with it.

“Freak,” Edward snorted, rapping him on the forehead. “Wake up, would you?”

Roy winced back from the harsh knuckles; changed tactics suddenly and said, piteously, “You’re abandoning me to this cruel, cruel fate. Aren’t you supposed to be the hero of the people? Save me!”

Edward pulled back just far enough to give him an unimpressed look, lips twitching only a little in unholy amusement. “You’re not the people,” he murmured. “You’re Roy, and you’re mine. Which means, Mustang, that I get to dress you up, and I’m going to take _great_ pleasure in doing so.”

He leered, and Roy narrowed his eyes at him, mouth tight and white, hands curled into fists. He didn’t want to dwell on the small curl of heat in his belly. Said, “Pervert.”

Laughing, Edward brought his hands together in a crackle of alchemy. The power shivered and sparked over Roy as Ed placed his hands firm and wicked along the slope of Roy’s shoulders.

“I learned from the best,” he smirked, and Roy had to wonder if that particular manner in which his clothing was wantonly squirming in the most inappropriate of ways as it reacted to Edward’s calculations, and changed form, molding seamlessly – and tastefully - with the white sheet draped over him, was Ed’s touch, or just his dumb luck.

*

The best thing about Nina was that she was all spitfire and energy, _to a point_. Eventually she got tired, and eventually her devious mind stopped working quite so deviously; eventually her demanding, beguiling mouth opened mostly on yawns, and her pretty eyes drooped in sleep.

That was when Edward succumbed, and gathered her tenderly into his arms, and put her to bed, with only a few fond insults to send her little soul happily off to dreaming. Roy had no idea what Edward usually did after that – did he nap? Read? Plot world (or just Roy’s) domination? – but that night it would be different.

Roy was in a _god damned dress_ , after all, and his pride was in a cowering ball under the couch, courtesy of Nina Elric, and his lover’s wicked commentary. He hadn’t even been given the dignity of keeping his socks on. Somehow, Edward had even managed to pull stockings into the equation, thanks to Nina’s sneaky little squirreling ability to pilfer through her mother’s laundry.

Though, really. Roy supposed he shouldn’t arbitrarily decide whose nylons they were. After all, Roy was a man – a man, in a _dress_. Though, standing there, glaring down at it, Roy had to admit that it would have been a beautiful gown if it weren’t on him. It had several layers to the skirt, all creamy white and flowing down to his feet. There weren’t – thank the gods – any poufs at the shoulders, just simple straps that wouldn’t quite stay on Roy’s broad shoulders.

Edward had probably done that on purpose, Roy thought with one eyebrow rising dangerously. He raised one glove-encased arm, and fiddled with a strap, the white stark against his dark tan. He shifted, and his breath caught at the way the skirts felt, cool and smooth swishing against his stocking encased, muscled legs. Edward hadn’t even given him the dignity of keeping his underwear, damn him. But, at least, there was no garter.

Strange how that caused Roy to feel slightly disappointed, actually.

“Well, don’t you look pretty,” Edward said, and Roy stopped his tentative experimentation to glare up into the golden, heated eyes of the love of his life. And, oh. How he wanted to _kill_ him.

“That’s my leer,” Roy said, with utmost dignity. “Give it back. And my clothes, while you’re at it.”

Edward grinned like a predator, hands on his hips. “Not on your life.”

Very carefully, Roy said, “Edward,” and Edward very recklessly ignored him, stalking right up and around Roy, looking him up and down. He whistled softly, and said, “That really shouldn’t be white.”

Roy sniffed, and straightened his skirt. “It’s not completely white.” After all, Edward had had to make the dress out of Roy’s uniform, as well as the skirt, so the dress, while mostly white, was accented with blue designs and trimming. The skirt was buttoned with Roy’s military brass, and the corset was closed, tightly, with his trousers’ zipper.

“Hmph,” Edward said, coming to stand behind Roy, and wrap his arms around his waist. Roy held very stiffly, refusing to give in. Edward just pressed a teasing kiss to Roy’s bared shoulder, and continued with his abuse, “Not enough.”

“Hm. Not black though.”

Edward’s arms tightened around Roy’s middle. “No,” Edward said, softly if not quite gently, “not black.” He slid his hand up the corset of Roy’s dress, to the low v-neck, and dipped it down, to press it against his scar-ravaged chest.

Roy, with a resigned sigh, decided that, when it came to Edward, his pride and dignity were inconsequential. He relaxed into Edward, who, at some point over the years, had grown enough that he was only a handful of inches shorter than Roy, rather than two feet. And then he blinked, startled, and wriggled his hips backward.

Edward’s breath caught.

“Now, hold on,” Roy said, not quite able to cage his wicked grin.

“What?” Edward snapped back, mostly tease and laughter in his voice. A hand fisted in his skirts, and began to drag them up, slowly. Roy shivered, and felt heat begin to uncurl in his stomach, chasing away any other thought in his head, save Edward. Who said, “Don’t you want your wedding night?”

Roy gave a low, smooth chuckle, and was very glad that Nina slept like the dead.


End file.
